just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
