Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
