he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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