How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
We are all done wearing pants today
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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