I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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