ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
