return my video game
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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