420 ftw
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
