I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
