I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
