When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
