ugly people sure do ruin things
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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