My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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