I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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