i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Sorry about my life...
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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