I hate all girls vehemently.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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