So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
