Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
