you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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