I need to stop coming to work sober
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize