If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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