I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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