i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
