did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
