Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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