i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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