he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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