My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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