I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
