dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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