is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Sorry my hands just texted you
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
