threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize