I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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