I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
