So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Girls should come with a carfax report
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she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
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Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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