quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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