She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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