Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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