If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize