hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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