if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
