was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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