I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
