be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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