It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
