You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Randomize
