I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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