Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize