??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
