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• (440): View more from Ohio

  made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...

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• (310): View more from California

  ...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.

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• (707): View more from California

  I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.

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  These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities

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• (219): View more from Indiana

  she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.

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• (740): View more from Ohio

  he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.

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• (206): View more from Washington

  I think I have vodka in my lungs

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• (910): View more from North Carolina

  I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks

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• (909): View more from California

  i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way

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  21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn

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• (561): View more from Florida

  I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too

  (613): View more from Ontario

  This was before halftime

  (613): View more from Ontario

  I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME

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• (212): View more from New York

  Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP

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• (912): View more from Georgia

  After tacos, we're chasing women.

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.

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