Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF