Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(818): View more from California

i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick

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(912): View more from Georgia

I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong

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(360): View more from Washington

I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(250): View more from British Columbia

He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?

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(916): View more from California

Yep. How's your hangover?

(1-916): View more from California

It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.

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(303): View more from Colorado

how did operation slutty penguin go?

(619): View more from California

pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter

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(908): View more from New Jersey

Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.

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