Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
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There r osticjed everywhere
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
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So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions