i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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