Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
