there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
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do herpes really smell.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
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This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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