i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I am available for nakedness
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
