You just made me feel so damn special
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
