yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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