She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
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She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
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I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm too high and old for this...
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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