Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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