He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
