great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just forgot I was standing up.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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