I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
