i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
