Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
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