Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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